you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
