her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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