After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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