I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
