Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
