Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
