I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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