an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
