Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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