when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize