So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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