I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
