No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this will be a night to untag.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
