Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There's even glitter on my cock...
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