Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
