he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
