sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
