At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
