OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
