peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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