GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
