You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
