Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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