I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
