I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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