we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
