Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
