If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
