Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
