His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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