i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
