Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
