That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
