So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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