I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
