your parents love me but you hate me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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