why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
