who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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