I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
