new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
