She's JV to your varsity
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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