Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
