You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
