I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
