I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
