My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
