this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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