butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
