Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize