Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
