I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.