Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance