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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR

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• (863): View more from Florida

  UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.

  (863): View more from Florida

  Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  At least you don't cum in color.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (407): View more from Florida

  shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

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• (646): View more from New York

  just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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• (949): View more from California

  You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.

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• (845): View more from New York

  You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is

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