They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.