I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
