This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
