My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
