yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she was so not down for the gang bang
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
