Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
