life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
