This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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