I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
