ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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