He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
