it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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