Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
