I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
