We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
