i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
