Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
is that a dick in a sweater?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
