im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
