What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
