Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
