I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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