You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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