Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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