i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
