i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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