Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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