I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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